You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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