If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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