Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
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I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
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I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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