How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
