i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
