I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
