i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
