wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
