do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
