i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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