Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
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So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
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I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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