Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
