we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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