Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
