I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
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the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
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HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
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