3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
