my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
