this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
