First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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