Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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