I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
