Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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