Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize