Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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