One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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