If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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