I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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