There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Can I color on your dick again?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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