If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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