Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
