happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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