I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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