Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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