I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
