lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
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I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
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I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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