You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
