names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
