I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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