so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So squirting runs in the family.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
