kristin has been a bad kristin
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
