Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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