she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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