i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
