Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
