About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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