Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
