I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
