i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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