He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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