you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize