i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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