if you like me you must not know who I am
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
