9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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