I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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